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What have you got up your sleeve, Steve?

This Magazine Staff

After being mercilessly ridiculed at last week’s leadership debates for not having released a party platform, Stephen Harper is apparently planning to unveil his master plan tomorrow.
Based on the past four-odd weeks of campaigning, here are my predictions for what the Tory 2008 Platform will promise:

For families

– Parents will continue to receive $100 monthly cheques for their little ones, which will come in handy when they have to quit their jobs to take care of their children due to a lack of available day care space.
– Parents will receive a tax credit for putting their children in artistic activities, which will be awesome until those children grow up and can’t get any federal funding for the arts.
– Stricter regulations for marketing tobacco items to kids. (This, I fully support, though I admit I’ll miss my Popeye cigarettes if Harper does away with them.)
– Self-employed men and women will be able to opt in to EI premiums, and therefore take advantage of maternal and paternal leave after having a child.
For the economy
– Harper will continue to insist that nothing is wrong, and nothing will go wrong. I expect his platform to reveal plans to erect a giant bubble over Canada to emphasize that we are not the United States.
– Help for first-time home buyers in the form of a $5,000 tax credit to go towards closing costs
– $24 million for the development of cruise destinations along the St. Lawrence. (Seriously?)
What do you predict will come out of the grand unveiling of the Conservative party platform?

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