This Magazine

Progressive politics, ideas & culture


Songs that make you gay and clothes that make you loose

This Magazine Staff

Given that all it took Ted Haggard was 21 days to declare that he’s now “completely heterosexual” you have to wonder why the fundies are so worried about all the things that can make you gay … all it took Ted was 3 weeks and a press release to get his straight mojo back, but Jerry Falwell and his ilk are very, worried about all of that dangerous music-sharing that’s happening on the internet. Especially when people are trading in songs that can make you gay.
So without further ado, here is the official list of “bands to watch out for.” As blogger SaboTabby exclaims, “now I have the theme for my next mix CD!” The list includes a few of Canadians, including Rufus Wainwright (gay, really?), kd lang, Nickleback , Arcade Fire … Some surprises include Jay-Z (who knew?), Red Hot Chili Peppers and Ravi Shankar.
But I have to wonder if they have a secret gay infiltrator over there, because apparently Cyndi Lauper makes the “safe list.” Wow, I’m sure all of the adorable queer kids who were rockin’ out to a Cyndi Lauper re-mix at the University of Ottawa’s Queer Prom last weekend would love to know that they were playing it “safe.” Especially the boy in the ruby slippers who performed an excellent interpretive dance routine to the tune, which the super-gay DJ interspersed with booty house (you had to be there, it was very gay).

And in other news … the teen moralists over at Rebulution have just released the results of their modesty survey! Fun! The survey was restricted to men, and asked them about what articles of women’s clothing represent “stumbling blocks” in their ongoing battle to maintain their chastity.
In other words, what clothing should teenage girls avoid so as to guarantee that they won’t be sexually assaulted (or worse, shudder to think, they might actually feel good in their bodies and be encouraged to set their own sexual boundaries … noooo).
Some words of wisdom from the survey: “A tankini with shorts is immodest … Seeing a girl stretching (e.g. arching the back, reaching the arms back, and sticking out the chest) is a stumbling block … Lifting a long skirt any higher than the knee in order to step over something is a stumbling block.”
I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

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