Of course, violence against women becoming the focus of conversation got some people angry. Coincidentally, this ManKind Initiative video went viral* at the same time as #YesAllWomen, with many video-sharers writing about how this proves violence against women is always taken seriously, and therefore isn’t the real problem. Other gems included: Let’s just forget about it and move on; violence is violence, why segregate it into just violence against women; and, let’s all forget about feminism and be humanists instead. Blah blah blah. How very noble.

Instead of seeing the very real struggles and violence women are faced with every day, many saw the discussion as man-bashing. Because, what about the men? Not all men are like that!

As a friend of mine says, “If it bothers someone that gendered violence against women is a *focus* of conversation, that person should probably look internally to figure out why that is, rather than throwing a bunch of misogynistic and derailing temper tantrum on the interwebz.”

Fantasy author Jim C. Hines also wrote a response to this attitude on his Facebook page:

“Countless women are speaking out about their own experiences of being threatened, harassed, stalked, intimidated, and assaulted by men for the ‘crime’ of saying no. And you as a guy want to make the conversation about your hurt feelings?”

It is often the case that everything feminist gets derailed in order to make it seem less important. This strategy is clearly successful as the patriarchy is still very strong—if it weren’t, this pesky Yes All Women nonsense wouldn’t exist. I agree that some people truly believe sexism doesn’t exist, or that feminism prevents all sides from being heard. But as Feministing contributor Juliana Britto writes in her article An open letter to privileged people who play devil’s advocate, “These discussions may feel like ‘playing’ to you, but to many people in the room, it’s their lives you are ‘playing’ with. The reason it feels like a game to you is because these are issues that probably do not directly affect you.”

Others don’t want anything to change, or they simply don’t care; they dismiss feminism to justify their lack of empathy and action. Thankfully, as the Yes All Women movement grows, these people are controlling the conversation less and less.

* Violence against men isn’t funny, despite the amount of male rape jokes telling us otherwise. Dismantling the societal expectation that males must be tough guys and not “pussies” will help everyone a great deal. However, the existence of violence against men  does not make the predominant sexism against women disappear. It is a shame this video took the comparison route to showcase a real problem.

This sense of entitlement is dangerous. It enforces the all-to-popular notion that a woman’s purpose is found solely in her body and how she lets others control it. Relationships based on this type of mind-set are doomed to fail, but also build a rocky foundation for future relationships, screwing up social circles everywhere.

“Girls gave their affection and sex and love to other men, but never to me … it’s not fair.” This is a sentiment heard in some gatherings of guys, whining about how even though they are so wonderful girls don’t like them because girls are stupid—a.k.a can’t force attraction to a dude just because he wants them to. We also see this sentiment echoed in countless Hollywood romcoms, and seen on many a “witty” meme. And another place, too: the video of “supreme gentlemen” Elliot Rodger, the MRA who killed six people in California this past weekend because, as he put it, girls are sluts for not having sex with him.

It may sound extreme to compare the average nice guy griping to a murderer and yet the message being sent is the same. Sociologist Michael Kimmel writes in his book, Angry White Men, “Men are angry and restless because of what they experience as the erosion of their ‘rightful’ privilege, and they have convenient targets for their rage … They’re angry at women, who, they argue, are beautiful, sexy, and sexually available—yet turn them down with contemptuous sneers.”

In other words, hetero males are being taught that as the superior sex, females owe them. And females are taught to be passive, accommodating people pleasers. Such a culture justifies the notion that if a guy is nice to a girl, and she doesn’t pay up, she is taking advantage of him. This way, the male is the victim and doesn’t need to admit to the fact that she isn’t attracted to him. The fact that women have a choice in whom they have sex with isn’t even considered. This cycle continues and sex turns into a right and not a pleasurable experience shared between consenting parties. This same entitlement mentality is often used to justify rape, as well, and it starts at elementary schools where stuff like “friend zone” is a real thing.

“The Friend Zone is a bullshit, misogynistic, make-believe land Nice Guys have come up with to demonize women for not wanting to date them,” writes Alisse Desrosiers in Feminspire. “They use it as an excuse to ignore the fact that there are actual reasons behind their decision to not pursue a relationship or have sex with this guy. You know, like not being physically attracted to them. Or not being able to connect with them. Or seeing through their crap and realizing that the only reason these guys are even friends with them in the first place is so they can get laid.”

Actual good people are the way they are for the sake of pure goodness, not to “get some.”